


Cross Purposes

by hummerhouse



Series: Short Stories and Novellas [4]
Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2003)
Genre: Adult Content, Complete, Language, M/M, Turtlecest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-26
Updated: 2015-03-29
Packaged: 2018-03-19 16:27:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3616536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hummerhouse/pseuds/hummerhouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Disclaimer: The TMNT are not mine. No money being made.<br/>Word Count: 16,463 Short Story<br/>Summary: A confused Raphael is having a hard time sorting through his feelings and desires. Leo isn't helping much by sending him mixed signals.<br/>Overall Rating: Explicit<br/>Pairing: Leo/Raph</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Excerpt from Raph’s journal:

_“Okay, so I ain’t one to talk about my feelings all that much, I just go ahead and have them, but I figured what the fuck.  Don and April got their hands on a shit load of old laptops and worked their magic, so the next thing you know, Don’s giving each of us one._

_“It’s kinda cool actually, because I can check sports scores or watch recordings of any of the boxing matches I missed.  Sure beats the hell out of fighting with Mikey for the remote all the time.  Turns out that little nut ball can download games and hook some kinda doohickey into the television to play them so we don’t have to hear him whining about how he’s bored._

_“Master Splinter plugs in a set of ear phones and watches his shows in peace now.  It’s funny as shell to see him sitting there with a scowl on his face telling the screen “No Jessica, you must walk away from him!”  I’m gonna borrow Donny’s camera one of these days and take a picture of that._

_“Don’t know what the fuck Leo uses his computer for, or if he uses it at all.  I ain’t ever seen him open it.  Not once.  Maybe he doesn’t think it’s traditional enough and that he’d be messing up his karmic balance if he used his laptop for something personal.  His mind works in real funny ways._

_“That kinda brings me to the point of why I’m typing on this thing in the first place.  Don sort of suggested we could create our own personal files and shit; he’s sure got plenty of them himself.  Gotta admit that’s been helpful with my training; since I started tracking my routine I been getting a much more balanced regimen going._

_“But that’s just plugging in weights and reps, simple chart kinda shit.  Didn’t need anything else until lately; the last few weeks have my head so fucked up I don’t know if I’m coming or going.  So I’m gonna give this journaling crap a try and see if it helps.  I figure it can’t hurt, at least if I don’t let Mikey see me doing it._

_“That little turd thinks I can’t even type!  Shit, I been spinning these sai on my fingers since I was a kid; if I can handle that, learning to peg the correct keys on this laptop is a piece of cake.  Mikey’s the one who does the hunt and peck routine, only thing he’s good at working is his thumbs and his mouth._

_“I feel like I gotta talk to somebody about what’s been going on and there just ain’t anybody I can talk to; not about this.  Don told me how to come up with a really good unbreakable password so I don’t have to worry about Mike getting anything I write, and Don wouldn’t, so I’m gonna trust that my personal stuff on here stays personal._

_“Me and Leo.  Damn.  Leo and me.  Seems like my whole life I been saying that.  He gets in my head and stays there and I don’t fucking know how he does it.  I’ve tried everything to get him out; I run with Casey as many nights as I can get away with just to try to clear my head.  It works too, but only for a little while.  As soon as the last bad guy is doing his share of pavement kissing, Casey heads home to April and I go home to . . ._

_“Shit!  I said I was gonna type this stuff out and I’m gonna fucking do it.  I go home to nothing.  There.  I go home to nothing, but that ain’t what I want to go home to.  Yeah, yeah, I got a family.  I love my family more than I love my own life.  I’d cut my own throat if someone told me I had to in order to save my father or one of my brothers._

_“When I’m talking about being alone, I’m talking about the way Casey ain’t alone.  Having somebody you share shit with and there ain’t any walls between you.  Everything is raw and elemental, not just physically but mentally too.  I ain’t got that._

_“Granting that I could find a woman who was crazy enough to want a mutated turtle, the problem I’m having is I wouldn’t want one.  Only got one person who moves me like that and it’s my own fucking brother.  Maybe I should just cut my own throat._

_“I’ve been keeping it under control ever since I can remember.  Leo always has been a little larger than life to me and maybe part of me just worships that perfection and fearlessness.  Fucking Fearless.  I gave him that name as a sarcastic joke, but it really fits him._

_“We used to get along when we were kids.  We were tight.  But then he started to get a whole lot more serious and determined about being the best at stuff.  We all knew Master Splinter was gonna have to pick one of us to be leader of the clan, and Leo just wanted it more than the rest of us did._

_“I ain’t jealous of him for that, even though everybody thinks I am.  They want to believe my anger is about wishing I could be leader but it ain’t that.  I’m mad because Leo being the leader meant he pulled away from me.  It meant he had to pull away from me, and that’s what I fucking hate._

_“So I’ve been living with that for a long fucking time now and stomping on how I really feel about my own brother.  It’s bad enough to be the hot head, the one without control; the psycho family member who acts first and thinks later.  I don’t want to be known as the sick, crazy and perverted one also._

_“But something happened a few weeks ago and now I’m so confused and scared and just plain hurting that I gotta do something, anything, or I will go crazy.  The night it happened wasn’t any different than any other night of the week . . . “_

            “I’m heading over ta Casey’s,” Raph called out from force of habit rather than courtesy.  He honestly didn’t give a shit whether anyone cared.

            As soon as he saw Leo’s head pop out of Don’s lab, he knew he should have kept his mouth closed and just left.

            “I thought we talked about this,” Leo said, walking out into the common area.

            Raph laughed shortly.  “Ya’ talked, no wait, take that back.  Ya’ started issuing orders like some field general in an old war movie.  Got a news flash for ya’ Leo.  I never enlisted.”

            “I’ve got news for you Raphael,” Leo said.  “You’re in a clan and I am its leader.  Leaders issue orders and expect them to be obeyed.”

            “Keep on expecting,” Raph snapped.  “You’re my brother and you’re a major pain in my ass.  What’s the fucking point in learnin’ how ta fight and about what we should fight for, if we ain’t gonna go topside and do some good?”

            Leo crossed his arms over his plastron, studying Raph.  Recognizing that pose, Raph stared at him belligerently, waiting for Leo’s next salvo in their ongoing war.

            “Don hacked partway into Bishop’s communication system tonight,” Leo said.

            Raph cocked his head to the side, his antagonistic attitude firmly in place.  “So?”

            “So he found a message telling his men to keep an eye on Casey because they think he’s the masked vigilante that you always work with,” Leo told him.

            Blinking hard, Raph chewed on that piece of news.  “’S that what you were doing in there with Donny just now?”

            Leo’s brow furrowed.  “Yes.  You want to fight Raph, but if you don’t collect the correct intelligence, how are you going to do a good job of it?”

            Raph’s fists clenched.  “I guess that’s what makes Donny a whole lot more useful than me, huh Leo?”

            Leo shook his head.  “Everyone on this team has a place, Raph.  Don’s skills are as irreplaceable as yours.  It just so happens we need his intellect at the moment.”

            “Yeah,” Raph said, “I’m only useful when ya’ got somethin’ ta point me at so ya’ can yell ‘sic ‘em’.  Anybody bother ta tell Casey not ta go anywhere?”

            “Don called him.  He wasn’t very happy, but he’s staying in tonight, and so are you,” Leo said.

            Taking a deep breath, Raph tried to control the rising tide of resentment.  Knowing his brother was probably right wouldn’t have been so hard to admit except for the way Leo chose to phrase things.

            A thought hit him, and he smirked.  “Well, maybe this would be a good night ta have Don help me work on the shell cycle.  She’s been needing a tune up.”

            “I thought the two of you took care of that two days ago,” Leo asked, a little too quickly.

            “That was the truck I was helping him with,” Raph replied.  “What’s the matter, Leo?  Can’t live without Donny for a couple of hours?”

            He hadn’t really meant to sound so teasing, or for the hint of jealousy to creep into his tone, but lately it seemed like Leo was spending all of his time with Don.  Saint Donatello, who could never do wrong.  Genius Donatello, who had a shit of a lot more to offer Leo than Raph ever would.

            “I would like to see how much further into Bishop’s systems he can get before you yank him away again.  He told me you said he spends too much time in front of his computers and that’s why you’ve been pulling him away to do other things,” Leo said.

            “Worried that I might corrupt your little Donny?” Raph couldn’t help but say.  “Ya’ ever think that he might _like_ spending time with me?  Does it bother ya’ that he might have more in common with me than he does with ya’?”

            Leo’s eyes narrowed and Raph could tell that his little underhanded jab had gotten to his brother.  Bad enough to have to hide how much he wanted his older brother, but to have to face the fact that maybe Leo wanted to be with Don was too much.

            “This discussion is over,” Leo said with finality, turning away.

            Fuckin’ Leo knew how much that pissed Raph off.

            “The great Leo has spoken.  All hail the king.  Fuck you,” Raph spat out in a venomous tone.  “Maybe I can’t hang with Casey, but I sure as shit can make sure the fucking hoods don’t think it’s suddenly a free-for-all.”

            He strode towards the lair entrance, his blood boiling.  Raph needed to hit somebody; a whole lot of somebodies, and he needed to do it now.

            Raph heard the sound of footsteps when they were almost on him.  He should never have turned his back on Leo; he knew damn well how silent his brother was.

            With very little warning, all Raph could do was brace for the impact.  Leo hit him low, like a defensive end determined to take down the ball carrier.  Raph hit the ground on his carapace, and swung a hard right to the side of Leo’s face just as they landed.

            Leo pulled his head aside and the punch grazed him, Raph’s rough fist scraping some skin off Leo’s cheek.  Rather than trying for a punch of his own, Leo seemed more determined in keeping Raph down.

            Raph had the advantage in close in fighting like this; he was the stronger of the two even flat on his back.  He just needed to move fast, because his brother was the expert in pressure points and pinning moves.  His next swing was a tight jab to Leo’s exposed side, and this one connected solidly.

            Leo grunted and exhaled, but the hit didn’t move him.  Raph felt his brother’s fingers digging into the undersides of his arms, looking for the places that would render Raph immobile, and Raph dug his heels into the ground for the leverage to throw Leo off of him.

            A sudden lunge forward shifted Leo’s weight up onto his brother’s plastron and Raph’s eyes widened as he saw Leo’s face coming down towards him.

            “What the fu . . . .” Raph yelped just as Leo’s mouth touched his and cut off the question.

TBC …..


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Word Count: 2,568  
> Rated:R TCest, language, adult concepts and situations  
> Summary: Leo is giving Raph the silent treatment and the only way Raph can think of to find out exactly what's going on is to cling to Donatello.

Excerpt from Raph’s journal:

_“He fucking kissed me!  Right there on the floor in the middle of the lair.  Shell, Don was within hearing distance of us in his lab, Mikey was up above us in his room and Master Splinter could have opened his shoji and seen us, but Leo planted one on me anyway._

_“Maybe if he hadn’t taken me by surprise I could have thought of something better to do, but after all this time of wanting him so badly, all I could think about was turning it into something more than just his lips on mine.  I got one of my arms loose from his grip and grabbed the back of his head so I could keep him from moving away from me._

_“He jerked but I wasn’t letting go and fuck if he didn’t just melt on my mouth.  He wasn’t fighting me anymore; I could feel his body all over mine and it was like somebody just hooked up an electrical current to me.  When I touched my tongue to his lips, he opened up immediately and let me have my first taste of him._

_“I had no idea what the fuck I was doing, and I’m sure he didn’t either, but we figured it out pretty fast.  His tongue felt so damn good against mine!  I couldn’t feel the floor under me anymore, or hear anything outside of the little pocket of time we seemed to be stuck in._

_“The weirdest damn sound kinda rolled up from my chest and I couldn’t stop it.  It wasn’t a moan; it was almost like when Klunk purrs.  I would have been embarrassed, except Leo did the same thing just a couple of seconds later.  Hearing him do it got me so hot I thought I might bust a blood vessel._

_“If someone had asked me my name right about then, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have been able to tell them.  I couldn’t think in words anymore, except for ‘Leo’.  That seemed to be the only thing in my head. Leo.  Like from the depths of eternity that’s all I could pull up from my soul. Leo._

_“My eyes were closed because I was trying so hard to see inside of him and find out if he was feeling the same way.  It just didn’t last long enough . . . “_

            With an effort, Leo broke the kiss he had instigated.  Raph tried to follow his brother’s mouth, eyes opening to find the hot lips that just a moment ago belonged to him.  Leo was panting, hovering over Raphael but just out of reach, his eyes hooded and his breath warm.

            “Leo,” Raph’s voice came out in a breathless, needy moan.  He wanted more; he wanted everything, but couldn’t find a way to say that.

            “Are you two fighting again?”

            The voice snapped them out of their spell and Leo jumped off of Raph so fast the blue of his mask was a blur.  It took Raph a second longer to snap out of the spell, but then he found his feet as well.

            Don was standing just outside of his lab, his hands on his hips while he glared at them.

            “You weren’t thinking about going out tonight were you Raph?” Don asked in a voice that was much calmer than his look implied.  “Surely Leo told you what Bishop is up to.”

            “Yeah, he told me,” Raph all but mumbled, refusing to look at Leo.  “We’re just having a little disagreement about the _way_ he told me.”

            “It’s okay now,” Leo filled in quickly.  “Raph understands how his going topside alone will tell Bishop his assumptions about Casey might be correct.”

            “I’m glad to hear the two of you managed to stop throwing punches long enough to actually discuss this,” Don told them.  “Because from where I was standing it looked like you two were engaged in starting world war three.”

            “Well shit Don,” Raph said, managing a grin, “ya’ know my hearing has ta have a jump start from Leo’s fist.”

            Raph felt Leo’s glance in his direction, but he wasn’t ready yet to meet his brother’s eyes.  The desire was still too close to the surface, and he was afraid to show it to Leo again.

            That instant of perusal passed, and then Leo was moving away from him, back towards Don.

            “Did you find out anything else?” Leo asked.

            “I got some encrypted stuff I need to decipher.  They finally found where I was hacked in and started a trace back, so I had to disconnect.  It would be nice if we didn’t have to worry about Bishop anymore,” Don said.

            Leo put an arm around Don’s shoulder and told him, “Someday Donny.  We got rid of the Shredder; we can rid ourselves of Bishop as well.”

            Raph watched Leo pull Don close and tried to tell himself that Leo was just offering his brother some comfort.  Still, he couldn’t help the way his heart jumped when Don looked up into Leo’s face, his brown eyes full of admiration.

            “I’ll figure out what’s on those encrypted files.  Maybe that will help,” Don said softly.

            “Take a break first, okay?” Leo said, his entire focus on Donatello.  “Let’s go get you a sandwich or some soup.  I know you haven’t eaten in a while.”

            Rather than argue like he usually did, Don allowed Leo to lead him away from the lab as though he were some docile lamb.  Raph watched them go, his eyes riveted on Leo’s carapace, but the blue banded leader never looked back.

            “Fuck,” Raph hissed under his breath.  He sure as shit didn’t imagine that kiss.

            Looking at the door which led out into the sewers, Raph ran a palm across the top of his head.  Whatever the shell was going on, he knew he wouldn’t be leaving the lair tonight.

            Heading for the stairs that would take him up to his room, Raph glanced into the kitchen.  He could just make out the shadow of Don seated at the table, and Leo standing next to him, plate in hand.  While he watched, he saw Leo’s shadow lean over and merge with Don’s.

            Raph froze on the stairs, trying to understand what he thought he was seeing.  It had to be a trick of the light, he told himself.  Surely Leo wasn’t starting something with Don, not after what had just transpired.

            But then again, maybe it wasn’t just starting.  Remembering how natural the two of them had looked when Leo put his arm around Don, Raph wondered if maybe they already had something going.  If that was the case, what the fuck was that kiss all about?

            Squeezing his eyes shut, Raph fought the urge to stomp into the kitchen and start demanding some explanations.  When he opened them again, the only shadow he saw was Don’s, sandwich in hand.

            Raph shook his head.  He was pretty sure if anything could drive him insane, this puzzle would do it.

            Determined to tackle Leo the very first chance he got to be alone with him, Raph went up to his room.  He was far from tired, but thought he’d try out the fancy laptop Don had just given him.  Maybe watching some sports would help him fall asleep.

            For three days Raph waited for an opportunity to catch Leo alone, and for three days it seemed his brother went out of his way to avoid allowing that to happen.  When it finally dawned on Raph that Leo was actively avoiding his company, he did the next best thing.

            He started spending as much time as possible with Donatello.

            “I know that has got to be really boring for you, Raph.  Are you sure you want to help me?” Don asked again.

            “Yeah, Don I’m sure,” Raph said, glancing up over the top of the paper he was holding.  “It’s boring all right, but I gotta concentrate ta find what ya’ want, and that takes my mind off of having ta stay down here.”

            Don chuckled as he turned back to his computer screen.  “You haven’t been out of the lair in days.  You must be going stir crazy by now.”

            Raph had to laugh in return.  “Ya’ think its drivin’ me nuts, ya’ should talk ta Casey.  April is pushin’ him like a work horse at the store tryin’ ta wear him out so he doesn’t pace the floors all night.”

            The sudden silence drew his eyes to Don again and he found the genius’ soft gaze on him.  Don’s expression was unreadable, but his eyes seemed to be searching for something on Raph’s face.

            “Normally, you would have been fighting with Leo just about every day over this confinement.  The two of you haven’t actually said much to each other at all since that last fight.  Is there anything you want to talk about?” Don asked.

            Something in Don’s warm eyes and the gentle sound of his voice made Raph want to spill everything.  In fact, he was on the verge of doing just that when the lab door opened.

            “Hey Don, I was wondering if  . . . “ Leo’s question trailed off upon seeing Raph.

            “No, Leo.  None of the files I’ve deciphered so far have anything to do with us.  It’s an interesting look into Bishop’s organization, but nothing really useful from our point of view.  Raph’s been helping me, or I wouldn’t have gotten nearly this far,” Don answered the unfinished question.

            Raph’s concentrated stare was directed at Leo’s face, almost daring him to say something negative.  Leo’s eyes seemed to flash in return, but other than that he remained expressionless.

            Turning his attention back to Don, Leo put a hand down on his brother’s shoulder and squeezed gently.

            “I’m glad you’ve decided to delegate some of the workload instead of trying to do everything yourself Don.  When was the last time you slept?” Leo asked, his tone almost tender.

            Raph was watching them like a hawk.

            “Actually, I had a nice long nap a couple of hours ago.  Raph worked on some stuff for me while I curled up on my cot.  It was really nice,” Don said.

            Leo’s shoulders tensed by the most miniscule amount, but Raph saw it.  Kneeling in front of Don, Leo’s eyes never left the genius’ face.

            “Was that enough?  I don’t want you to think that a short nap will sustain you for another forty-eight hour work marathon,” Leo asked softly.

            Don chuckled.  “Really, Leo.  I never had a mom but I’m starting to understand how it probably feels to have one.  I promise I will rest when I need to.  Raph already insinuated what he’ll do to me if I don’t.”

            “I didn’t insinuate anything,” Raph interrupted.  “I told you I’d haul your ass out of that chair, toss ya’ over my shoulder and carry ya’ ta bed.”

            “He’s never mastered the fine art of subtlety,” Don said with a laugh.

            The tense set of Leo’s shoulders was more noticeable now, but Raph still wasn’t sure what was setting him off.  Was it the fact that Raph was in the room and Leo couldn’t be alone with Don, or that Raph was attempting to take over as Don’s caretaker?

            “You tell me if you need anything, okay Don?” Leo asked finally, removing his hand from Don’s shoulder and standing up.

            Don’s head followed his movement.  “I will.”

            With a curt nod in Raph’s direction, Leo strode out of the room.  Raph watched him go before turning around to find Don looking at him.

            “What?” Raph asked gruffly.

            Don shook his head.  “Okay, don’t tell me.  You two will work it out the way you usually do.  One of you will blow up from the strain of ignoring each other, and Master Splinter will have to pull you apart.  Just so you know, whenever that happens, Leo spends days questioning his ability to lead this clan, and he worries that Master Splinter might be reconsidering his decision to appoint Leo as such.”

            “Tch,” Raph’s tongue clicked against his palate before he said, “Master Splinter has never looked twice at that choice.  Leo ought ta know that.”

            “What he ought to know and what he believes are two different things, Raphael,” Don said, using Raph’s full name for emphasis.  “Having you always fighting the authority Master Splinter gave him is stressful.”

            Raph shrugged, not wanting Don to see how that bit of insight into Leo’s character was affecting him.  Maybe that explained why Leo wanted to be with Don more; at least Don made an effort to try to understand him.

            The following day was more of the same.  Raph stuck to Don’s side like glue, hoping that at some point Fearless would let something slip, or at least snap and ease some of the tension that was layering the air like heavy smog.

            Instead, Leo popped in on them frequently, wherever they happened to be, and followed the exact same pattern.  He would speak to Donatello and ignore Raphael.

            Mikey noticed how the two of them were cold shouldering each other, and Master Splinter must have noticed as well, because he had Leo on the carpet a few times.  None of those conversations ever leaked out, despite Mikey’s best efforts to eavesdrop.

            On the evening of the fourth day after their kiss, Raph decided to take a more proactive approach to the situation.  Sitting around waiting for something to happen was not normal for him anyway, and Don’s repeated hints that he and Leo needed to work things out were getting on his nerves.

            Raph stood in front of Leo’s closed door and took a deep breath.  That closed door meant Leo did not want to be interrupted, and the policy was knock before entering.  Raph had no intention of honoring either of those things, and that was really the only thing he knew for sure.  What he did after he went inside would be just as big a surprise to him as it would be to Leo.

            Turning the knob, he barged in and slammed the door closed behind him.  Leo sat cross-legged on his floor in meditation, and his eyes snapped open at the intrusion.

            “Raphael!” he yelled indignantly as his brother crossed the floor towards him.  “You know the rules as well as anyone  . . . “

            “Shut up!” Raph interrupted fiercely, dropping to his knees in front of Leo.  “Just for once shut the fuck up, stop lecturing and let me tell you a few things.”

            “I have no interest in whatever excuses you’ve come up with for your insolent behavior,” Leo snapped at him.

            “That’s just fine, ‘cause I ain’t offering any.  We have other things we need ta talk about,” Raph said.

            Leo’s icy glare would have frozen a volcano, but Raph burned a lot hotter than that.

            “Get out,” Leo said, voice vibrating with anger.

            “I don’t think so,” Raph replied, lunging forward suddenly to grab Leo’s arms.

            Shoving with all his might, he forced Leo flat beneath him and held him firmly in place.  Breathing hard, he stared down into Leo’s eyes.

            “What are you doing?” Leo gasped out.

            “Looking for some answers I’ve needed for a long, fucking time,” Raph growled, plunging his mouth over his brother’s.

TBC……


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Word Count: 3,715  
> Rated: R TCest, language, adult concepts and situations  
> Summary: Leo continues to blow hot and cold while Raph tries to pursue something more meaningful with him.

Excerpt from Raph’s journal:

_“He didn’t fight me.  I thought he would; damn, he fucking fights me about everything.  The way our conversation had started, with him glaring at me and ordering me out of the room, I was ready for a struggle._

_“Leo just went limp, like he couldn’t fight anymore, and that was fine by me.  His mouth tasted like green tea and rice, not my favorite, but on him the flavors were sweet._

_“I just wanted to taste him; all of him.  I wanted to lick his forest green skin, bite it, bruise it and own it.  The feelings were so overwhelming that nothing else mattered to me except making him mine like I always knew it should be._

_“With the tables turned and me being on top this time, his trying to put an abrupt end to this wasn’t gonna happen.  I was too determined to find out how far he’d let me go.  If he was just playing some kinda game, I wanted to know right then and there.  Because I sure the fuck wasn’t playing._

_“The feeling of his body under me, all that hard muscle pressing into different parts of my skin, was making me crazy hot.  My mind just took another leave of absence and surrendered control to my hands.  I found myself stroking his arms, enjoying the tight feel of them under my palms and then somehow my hands were on his exposed sides._

_“When I let go of his arms I felt him move and my brain was kinda like ‘Oh fuck’.  I thought for sure that was it, he was gonna start pushing me away.  But he didn’t; I felt his hands on my shoulder and my neck and he was pulling me closer and shit, I couldn’t help but shudder._

_“I couldn’t stop kissing him.  All my tongue wanted to do was be inside of Leo’s mouth.  Maybe that could have been enough, but I’m alive and I’ve got needs.  My gut was doing a fan dance that I could feel all the way down to my groin  . . . “_

            Raph’s tongue ravished the inside of Leo’s mouth and his brother gave back as good as he got, tangling his tongue against the invaders.  The need for more finally moved Raph away, and he fell to Leo’s neck, licking at the skin in long sweeps.

            The sound rolled out of Leo first this time, and Raph now knew what to call it, thanks to his new laptop.  Raph let his own answering churr vibrate Leo’s pulse point as he lavished the spot with his tongue.

            Leo shivered and grabbed at Raph’s shell, his eyes closed as his younger brother forced a new sensation on him.  Raph’s response was to grind their plastrons together, the rasping sound further exciting him.

            Unable to help himself, Raph bit at Leo’s skin, at first nipping lightly, but then as his need grew stronger, he began to bite harder.  Leo was writhing under him, and the tiniest moan escaped his throat.

            Raph opened his mouth wider and trapped a section of Leo’s neck between his lips, starting to suck at it fiercely when Leo gasped and shoved against him as hard as he could.

            Barely registering that Leo was trying to push him away, Raph lifted his head from his brother’s neck.  He was breathing hard, his eyes half open and dark with lust.

            “D . . . don’t do that.  You’re going to leave marks,” Leo whispered urgently.

            Raph took a deep breath and said, “Yeah, I’m gonna leave marks.  Ya’ make love ta someone ya’ tend ta leave marks.”

            “No,” Leo insisted, louder this time.  He planted his hands firmly against Raph’s scutes to push his brother’s mouth further from his body.  “You mustn’t leave any marks.”

            Jealousy flared suddenly and without warning, closely followed by its mate named anger.

            “Ya’ afraid Don might see them?  Is that it Leo?  This some kind of perverted little ménage a trois ya’ playin’ with us?” Raph asked furiously.

            “What?  No!” Leo yelled.  He slipped out of Raph’s grip quickly, sliding out from under him and rolling to his feet.  “You don’t understand,” he said.

            Raph was rising slowly, his narrowed eyes focused on Leo’s.  The arousal that had been there moments ago was gone, his anger burning it away.

            “Then help me understand,” Raph said.  “Tell me what the fuck is going on with ya’.  Are ya’ tryin’ ta get with Don, is that why you’re playing this fucked up mind game?  Ya’ think I ain’t seen the look on your face when I hang with Donny?  How ya’ try to get between us and then fawn all over him?”

            “Leave Donny out of this,” Leo hissed at him.

            “Donny’s right in the fuckin’ middle of this!” Raph shouted at him.  Jabbing an accusatory finger at his brother, he said, “Admit ya’ got a problem with seeing me and Don together, Leo.  Admit ya’ started this fuckin’ game of tonsil hockey just so I wouldn’t play with your Donny-boy.”

            “Is that what you think of me?” Leo asked in astonishment.  “Do you honestly think I’m capable of doing something that dishonorable?”

            “I think you’d do anything ta get your way,” Raph told him.  “Ya’ always been like that, it’s your way or the highway.  Sometimes your way stinks, Leo.  Sometimes your way is totally fucked up.  I think I’d rather be with Don than ya’.”

            The rage that took over Leo’s features was a terrifying thing to see.  The veins in his neck stood out, his lips curled away from his teeth and his brows drew together as he snarled, “Donatello is off limits to you!”

            “Ya’ don’t get ta make that call!” Raph exploded.  “He’s my goddamn brother too!”

            Neither of them heard the door open.

            “Raphael!  Leonardo!” Master Splinter spoke sharply.  “What is the meaning of this?”

            Leonardo’s face immediately flattened out and his head went down.  “My apologies sensei.  I didn’t realize our argument had gotten so loud.”

            Right then Raph saw what Don had been trying to tell him about.  Everything about Leo suddenly froze to perfection at the sight of their father.  His posture, stance, facial expression; even the tilt of his head and tone of voice.  All instantly transformed into their father’s perfect son.

            Maybe all those years of training and meditation made it possible for Leo to achieve such a radical shift so quickly, but that wasn’t suited to Raph’s temperament.  Master Splinter or not, Raphael was still a very angry, very frustrated turtle.

            “Why don’t ya’ just tell him the truth, Leo?” Raph burst out.

            He got the satisfaction of seeing a slight cringe before Leo looked up at him placidly.

            “Since you seem to think there is some truth that needs to be told,” Leo said, “why don’t you do the honors?”

            His tone was calm and his voice smooth, but Raph heard the hint of challenge in it.  Raph growled, staring back at him.  Didn’t the bastard know that Raph was too pissed off to care what he might blurt out?  Didn’t he fuckin’ realize that Raph was capable of spilling all the sordid details about the two of them, about Donat . . .

            Raph stopped his mouth somehow.  He was so damn close to saying exactly what he thought, but he couldn’t drag Don into it.  It wasn’t Donny’s fault that Raph was having horrible, perverted desires for Leo, and it sure as shell wasn’t Don’s fault that Leo was apparently just as messed up as Raph was.

            In the time it took for that to flash through his brain and put a choke hold on his mouth, Leo’s complacent look had settled into place.  A little curve of his lips told Raph that Leo had already known his brother wouldn’t say anything.  Leo scored another point in the win column.

            “Ya’ know what?” Raph said, pointing at both Leo and Master Splinter.  “I been stuck down here too long.  I’m goin’ topside for some air; Bishop be damned.”

            He spun on his heels without waiting for either of them to say anything and stormed out of the room. 

            “Raph!” Leo called after him, an undercurrent of some emotion that Raph didn’t recognize in his voice.

            Master Splinter’s words were the last ones Raph heard before he left the lair.

            “You will not go after him Leonardo.  You will remain here and speak to me of this matter.”

            Raph had run a few miles before he outraced his anger enough to realize he’d been a complete asshole to leave and let Leo take the brunt of Master Splinter’s indignation.  That seemed to be all he was capable of doing; starting shit and leaving Leo to clean it up.

            Clambering up the side of a building near the waterfront, Raph plopped down on the roof’s ledge, his feet dangling over into space.  He rubbed at his forehead and then pounded his fist into it, mentally chiding himself.  It didn’t matter how much he wanted to be with Leo, or how his brother might respond, at some point Leo would always realize that Raph was a first class fuck up and pull away.

            Sensing a presence behind him, Raph tensed slightly before he heard the lightest pad of bare feet.  It wasn’t Leo; his stealthy bro’ didn’t even make that much sound, and it sure as shell wasn’t Mikey, who could be silent but rarely made the effort.

            Turning his head enough to look over his shoulder, he said, “Hey Don.”

            The olive skinned brother moved closer, standing next to Raph.  “Hey.”

            “How did ya’ find me?” Raph asked without looking up.

            Don didn’t wait for an invitation to take a seat next to his brother.  Following Raph’s gaze, he took in the lights of the boats that were out on the water.

            “Tracking module in your shell cell,” Don said.  “I installed them in all of your phones a while back.”

            “You’re a sneaky, fuckin’ bastard, ya’ know that?” Raph said without rancor.

            “Yes, I suppose I am,” Don responded mildly.

            They sat in silence for a few minutes, letting the city noise rise and fall around them.  Raph’s sigh told Don he was ready to talk.

            “Is there anything you want to get off your chest, Raph?  Because I had the feeling that you were on the verge of telling me something yesterday before Leo interrupted us,” Don said.

            Raph rubbed a hand over the side of his neck.  He had two choices; he could keep all of this bottled up inside of him until he was a raving lunatic, or he could talk to Donatello.  Out of everyone he knew, friends and family alike, Don really was the only one he felt comfortable sharing this kind of information with.

            The fact that it involved Don made it a little easier.

            “I think I’ve got feelings for Leo,” Raph said quietly and then stopped talking to watch Don’s reaction.

            His brother’s face was a complete blank for a few seconds, then understanding slowly tiptoed across his features.

            “Sexual desires?” Don asked in an almost clinical manner.

            Raph cleared his throat.  If anyone else had asked that question so bluntly, he would have leaped from the rooftop to his doom out of shame.

            “That and more,” Raph answered.  “Felt that way about him since I can remember.”

            Don pursed his lips and nodded.  “I think I can understand that, considering your personalities.  What have you done about it?”

            Raph’s hands curled into fists.  “Nothing before a few nights ago.  Then I went and made a complete ass out of myself by practically admitting it ta him.”

            “What does that mean?” Don asked.  “Practically admitting it to him is what exactly?”

            “He kissed me,” Raph told him.  “That fight ya’ thought we were havin’?  Started out as one, but that ain’t how it ended.  When ya’ interrupted, he was pulling away from me and I was clinging ta him like a virgin maiden in distress, including the moaning.”

            He felt his face heat up in embarrassment and was glad to see that Don wasn’t looking at him.  Part of Don’s genius was his ability to listen and do the right thing at the right moment.

            “He initiated the contact?” Don asked, his expression one of deep concentration.

            “Oh shit,” Raph groaned, remembering belatedly that Don might have feelings for Leo as well.  “I’m . . . I’m a fuckin’ idiot.  I didn’t mean ta tell ya’ like that.”

            Don’s head turned slowly towards him, a puzzled look on his face.  “Why are you apologizing to me?”

            “Because  . . . because ya’ and Leo  . . . Leo wants ta be with ya’, that’s why he keeps hanging around ya’ all the time,” Raph explained.

            “Ah,” Don said.  “And do you want to be with me too?  Because you’ve been practically a second shell the last couple of days as well.”

            “No!” Raph nearly shouted.  “Shell no; no offense ta ya’ brainiac, but I been spending time with ya’ ‘cause it’s the only way I get ta see Leo.  Fuckers been avoidin’ me since that first kiss.”

            Suddenly Don was laughing.  Not a chuckle, but full blown laughter.

            “What is so fuckin’ funny?” Raph asked in a low, dangerous tone.

            Don managed to calm down enough to choke out, “You think Leo is spending so much time with me because he’s hot for my shell.  He thinks you’re spending so much time with me for the same reason, but you both probably want each other.  Leo keeps popping in on us all of the time because he thinks we’ll be doing it on my desk if he doesn’t.  It’s a comedy of errors!”  He started to laugh again.

            Raph punched his arm, hard.  “It ain’t a laughing matter,” he said roughly.

            “Ouch,” Don griped, rubbing his bicep.  Sobering quickly, he said, “No, you’re right, it isn’t.  This is the worst kind of love triangle.”

            Raph eyed him.  “Are ya’ interested in one of us too?” he asked tentatively.

            Don looked at him with amusement.  “Oh yes.  I am waiting with baited breath for you two alpha males to fight for my hand and whichever of you is left standing gets to carry me off to your bedroom and have your way with me.”

            “Sarcasm doesn’t suit ya’ bro’,” Raph said with a smile.

            “Not to insult you Raphael, but my mind has never actually turned in that direction,” Don said.  “The question facing us right now is, what are you going to do about straightening out this little misunderstanding?”

            “Me?” Raph asked incredulously.  “Leo started it by kissing me first.  I was perfectly content ta be miserable for the rest of my life.  Why is it up ta me ta fix it?”

            “Because Leo fixes everything,” Don said patiently.  “For someone who claims to care so much for Leo, you are certainly clueless about what he goes through to straighten out our problems.  That includes the number of times when we were growing up that he ran interference for you so that Master Splinter didn’t know some of the things you were doing.”

            Raph frowned at his feet.  “I always wondered why I didn’t get into more trouble.  Used ta think it was ‘cause Master Splinter decided ta turn a blind eye ta some of my shit.  Never knew it was ‘cause Leo was . . . “  He blinked and said, “Wait, are ya’ telling me Leo _lied_ for me?”

            Don nodded.  “That’s exactly what I’m telling you.”

            “Holy shit!  Leo never fuckin’ lies.  He’s got some kinda gadget in his head that doesn’t allow him ta lie,” Raph croaked.

            “Then I guess you found a way to override it,” Don told him.  “He covers for you all the time.”

            Raph huffed.  “I never knew that.  Wonder what else I don’t know about him.”

            Don stood up, smiling as he looked at Raph.  “You’ll never find out unless you come back to the lair and have a conversation with him.  I’d recommend that you use your mouth rather than your fists, and by the way,” he added with a smirk, “when I say use your mouth, I don’t mean you should be trying to swallow his eye teeth.”

            “You’re a sick, perverted asshole,” Raph announced, jumping to his feet.  “Ya’ ain’t gonna make me regret what I’ll do ta ya’ if ya’ spill what we just talked about, are ya’?”

            “I’m pretty sure that was a threat,” Don chuckled.  “I’ll work hard to avoid your irascible retribution.”

            Walking next to Don, Raph said, “You’re a stuck-up know it all too.”

            “Mmm,” Don murmured, his humor evident.  “Let’s see; I’m a sneaky bastard, a sick perverted asshole _and_ a stuck-up know it all.  No wonder you and Leo both want me so badly.”

            “Shut the fuck up and let’s go home.  I gotta figure out how ta fix this mess and apologize ta Leo and Master Splinter.  Ya’ know how I hate ta apologize.”

            They climbed down the fire escape and then dropped into the sewers for the trip home.  Raph’s mind was swirling with thoughts and emotions while he snatched frantically at them, trying to find something that would tell him what his next step should be.

            First thing he was going to have to do was talk to Master Splinter.  Not about his immoral thoughts towards his brother; he sure as shell wasn’t ready for that.  Depending on Leo of course, the whole point might be moot.  If Leo didn’t want to pursue anything, then there was no reason for Raph to go to war with Master Splinter over it.

            Don seemed to know that Raph’s mind was in turmoil and he stayed silent during their return journey.

            About a mile from the lair, they turned a corner and nearly ran smack into Leo.

            The blue banded Turtle had obviously been waiting for them.  Arms crossed, stance wide and glare evident, it was also obvious he was not pleased.

            “Leo, what are you doing d . . . .” Don started to ask before Leo cut him off.

            “Go home, Donatello,” Leo ordered in his strictest command voice.

            It was a tone of voice Don had been trained to obey, and he did just that, sparing one long look backwards as his two brothers faced off.

            Raph tried to remember why it was he was going back to the lair so early, but he could feel his resentment surfacing as he looked at Leo’s face.  He told himself to breathe deeply and push the annoyance aside, because he needed to if he wanted to have a future with Leo that wasn’t entirely made up of an endless string of arguments.

            So instead of going on the offensive, he patiently waited for Leo to say something.

            “I told you Don was off limits,” Leo said, his tone acidic.

            “For your information, Fearless, _our_ brother went looking for me,” Raph replied in an equally acerbic voice.  He almost added, _‘get bent’_ , but checked himself at the last minute.

            For some unfathomable reason, that information shook Leo.  His arms unfolded themselves and his face took on the look he got when trying to assess a shift on the battle field.

            “Dammit Leo, your confusin’ the livin’ shit out of me,” Raph barked.  “I ain’t fuckin’ interested in Don the way ya’ think I am, and he ain’t interested in me like that.  He ain’t thinkin’ of ya’ that way either, in case you’re wonderin’.  Don told me he didn’t figure ya’ wanted him, but I’m startin’ ta wonder if ya’ just been hidin’ that fact from him.”

            “No,” Leo’s denial was almost a moan, and the sound cut right through Raphael.

            Stepping towards his brother, Raph said, “Then what is this we got goin’ Leo?  I only kissed ya’ twice, but ya’ gotta know how much I wanna keep doin’ that.”

            Leo’s head snapped up, his face freezing again.  “That won’t be happening.  Put it out of your head and forget any of it ever happened.  Just trust me on this Raph.”

            Without waiting for an answer, or for any continuing discussion, Leo turned and started back to the lair.

            Raph launched himself at Leo’s retreating form without thought.  He had no plan, no realization of possible consequences, he just knew he wasn’t finished with Leo.

            Leo spun around when he heard Raph coming, and was therefore slammed carapace first into the tunnel wall.  Raph jammed a knee between his legs and grabbed at his wrists.

            Before he could get his hands on them, Leo reached around his brother and got a hold on the ties of his mask.  Yanking down, he exposed Raph’s throat and his head darted forward to bury itself beneath Raphael’s chin.

            Completely off guard, Raph closed his eyes as he felt Leo’s tongue and teeth assaulting the delicate skin on his throat.  His palms were flat on the concrete tunnel walls on either side of Leo, and he had to brace himself when Leo’s tongue found his pulse point, making Raph’s knees shake.

            His churr was loud and unbridled as he made no attempt to keep it down this time.  A tentative nip at Raph’s collarbone shot a bolt straight into his hidden arousal.

            “Oh, damn Leo,” Raph groaned, “mark me.  Bite me hard, I want the whole fuckin’ world ta see it.”

            For an answer, Leo suddenly spun away from the wall, gripping one of Raph’s wrists as he moved.  Quicker than lightening, he was behind Raphael, shoving his brother’s plastron against the concrete.

            Raph grunted in surprise, and tried to pull his arm out of Leo’s hand, but Leo pressed it into his carapace and tugged upwards, bending Raph’s arm painfully  behind his back.  Raph’s legs were splayed out, and he felt Leo move between them.

            A hot breath on his neck told Raph that Leo was leaning over him.

            “I’m going to mark you all right, little bro’,” Leo breathed against him.  “I’m going to own you.”

            Raph quivered in anticipation as he felt Leo’s free hand drift down to wrap around his tail.

TBC…….


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Word Count: 2,355  
> Rated: NC-17 Graphic TCest, language, adult concepts and situations  
> Summary: Raph starts something that Leo quickly takes control of.

Excerpt from Raph’s journal:

_“………………………..damn.  Leo.  Leo.  Leo.  Leo.  Leo.  Leo.  Leo.  Leo.  Leo.  Leo.  Leo.  Leo.  Leo.  Leonardo.  My brother.  My clan leader.  Leonardo.  Leo._

_“I been sitting here staring at this screen for almost an hour.  I need to type something here other than his name, because my insides are all fucking knotted up.  Maybe this will help._

_“Here’s my major epiphany.  Leo and lover both start with ‘L’.  I’m so fucking bright it hurts._

_“A cold, dark, filthy sewer tunnel far from our home ain’t exactly the spot I would have chosen for losing my virginity.  Not that I had daydreams of white cotton sheets and a warm breeze blowing through a window; I ain’t a fucking girl!  So maybe our way was the best after all._

_“I was so turned on by Leo’s taking control of the situation I probably wouldn’t have cared if we were on top of a pile of garbage.  Seems I was having nerves to, my mind went kinda blank and my brain barely remembered to keep my heart beating.  It finally came to me that I didn’t really know what to do._

_“I’ve watched some porn with Casey, not a lot of it, because all I’ve ever had to ease the tension afterwards is three-fingered Rosie.  All the stuff he ever rents is guy on girl, or girl on girl._

_“So I knew the fundamentals, okay?  I knew what I wanted to do to Leo, or have him do to me; I just didn’t know how to go about it._

_“Leo felt me tense up when he started massaging my tail.  It wasn’t that it didn’t feel good; shit it felt good!  It felt fucking amazing.  My tail is so damn sensitive and Leo knew exactly how to touch me.  It was just that every so often, his knuckle would graze my asshole, and I swear it pulled in on itself every time._

_“My dick was harder than a jackhammer and still inside my pouch ‘cause I didn’t want him to see how turned on I was.  Ain’t that stupid?  I spent my whole life dreaming about doing stuff with Leo, and the first chance I get, I freeze up like a thousand dollar call girl being offered a two-dollar tip._

_“I was churring too, and so was he, but he leaned up against me and whispered for me to relax, that he was gonna take care of everything.  That was just so . . . so Leo that I wanted to laugh.  I had started it all by slamming his ass up against the sewer wall and practically assaulting him, but he was the one who took over._

_“He sounded so damn confident that I had to ask if he’d ever done this before.  I said I was stupid already, okay?  Leo stopped moving for a minute; his hand was still on my tail, and he was still twisting my arm up behind my shell, but he just stiffened up on me._

_“It finally dawned on my lust filled brain that my question sounded like I was accusing him of having sex with Don.  I started apologizing; stupid ass words spilling out of my mouth when he suddenly went all warm again and kissed my neck.  Then he kissed my shoulder and let go of my arm._

_“Leo didn’t let me turn around though.  He told me to put both of my hands flat on the wall, down kind of low and then he pulled at my hips until I was bending pretty far forward._

_“I didn’t say anything, I just did what he told me to do, ‘cause he seemed to know exactly what he was doing.  Then he started talking to me in that low, deep tone of his; the voice I think of as his ‘command voice’.  The voice he’d used on Donny to order him back home._

_“But he wasn’t loud, it was almost a whisper, and it sent fucking chills down my spine.  He told me he was a virgin too, but he’d read about this before.  I knew he read a lot of books, so it wasn’t until way later that I wondered why he was reading something that had to do with two guys having sex._

_“At that moment, I didn’t fucking care.  All I wanted was some kind of relief, ‘cause my dick was getting damn painful.  When Leo reached around me and touched my slit with his fingers, I fucking squealed like a pig.  Damn, I’m really glad my first time wasn’t in the lair; Mikey would have held that over me for the rest of my life._

_“I was shaking hard but I couldn’t let go; I don’t know why.  Like having to pee when someone’s staring at you, your body wants to, but your head’s been trained differently.  Leo tugged on my tail again and then told me to drop down.  I guess I’ve spent so many years listening to him give orders that it was natural for me to do what he said._

_“I wish I was better with words so I could say how good it felt to let my cock out.  I don’t think I’ve ever been that hard in my whole life, not even when I was laying on my bed masturbating to the image of Leo doing katas.  Leo was whispering to me to relax, and then I felt his hand close over my erection._

_“Gods, his hand was warm and firm.  He didn’t do anything at all for a couple of minutes, just held me and squeezed every so often.  I heard his breathing change and I finally realized that he was working on his control.  He was just as turned on and hot as I was!_

_“That more than anything made me glad I didn’t fight him over who was gonna be receiving.  I would have fucked it up big time and sent him running away again, like my biting him when we were in his room did._

_“He wanted this as much as I did, but it needed to be on his terms.  I figured I’d get my chance sometime.  I thought for sure that this was it for us, the turning point in our relationship.  I sure was fucking optimistic for someone bent over and about to take it up the ass . . . “_

            Leo let go of Raph’s tail and spit into his hand, rolling his fingers around to get them wet.  Raph’s head was down between his outstretched arms, his breathing heavy as he endured the throbbing of his dick.  All Leo really had to do at this point was stroke him a couple of times and he’d come.

            Raph felt Leo’s hand as it slid beneath his tail, and then the light touch of a finger at his entrance.  If the wall under Raph’s hands had been anything but brick, he would have gouged holes in it.

            “You have to relax Raphael,” Leo told him, his voice even and low.  “I need to stretch you and loosen you a bit before we can try anything else.  Trust me.  This is the best position for you to be in; it naturally opens your rectum and I can see what I’m doing.”

            Raph almost laughed.  “Ya’ sound like your explaining a new move you’re tryin’ ta teach me.”

            Leo’s soft chuckle sent another wave of desire into Raph’s already overloaded system and his dick twitched in his brother’s hand.

            “I’m teaching both of us,” Leo said, and gently pushed past the puckered rosebud of muscle at Raph’s entrance.

            He stopped with just his fingertip inside.  Raph’s leg muscles had spasmed at the first breach and Leo waited until the skin settled again before trying anything else.  As soon as he thought Raph was ready, he slowly inched his way inside up to his first finger joint.

            Leo went no further than that for a moment, content to wiggle his finger around a bit and tickle Raph’s insides.  His anal canal was warm, soft and tight.  Taking a deep breath, Leo released his own aching cock.

            Pulling the finger out, Leo spit in his hand again, and returned to prepping his brother.  This time he pushed in up to the middle finger joint and then twisted about.  Raph had remained silent other than his heavy breathing, but his cock was going limp.

            “Am I hurting you?” Leo asked with concern.

            Raph didn’t answer for a second, then he nodded.  “Don’t stop though okay?  It hurts, but it also feels good.  I know that sounds goofy, but ya’ asked me ta trust ya’, so on this ya’ gotta trust me.  Keep going.”

            “It would be better if we had proper lube,” Leo said in an apologetic tone.

            “I thought ya’ was always prepared for everything Fearless,” Raph teased.

            “Wise ass,” Leo said, sliding his finger back and then forward again. 

            Raph hissed, but when Leo stopped he said, “No, go on.  Don’t stop dammit.”

            Taking him at his word, Leo pushed until his finger was completely inside Raph.  Turning it and bending it slightly, he worked at stretching his brother.  He had to guess at what he was doing; he had no idea how much prep was enough, but judging from how tight Raph was, Leo didn’t think any amount would really make the process pain free.

            He realized he was doing something right when he felt Raph’s cock start to expand again.  Then Raph churred and inched his legs further apart, his tail lifting high in the air.

            “Raph,” Leo whispered, his cock jumping in reaction to the sight, “you’re beautiful like this.”

            Raph squeezed his eyes shut, a warm glow forming in his chest at those words.

            “Leo, please,” he groaned, “do what ya’ promised.  Do it now; mark me, own me.  I need for ya’ to do it now.”

            “Yes,” Leo husked, pulling his finger back abruptly.

            Raph heard him spit into his hand again, and then the soft squelch of a moist hand fisting a hard shaft.  The sound brought Raph’s cock back to a full erection; standing tall and hard it pulsated in Leo’s hand.

            Leo started to pump him then; long, firm pulls from base to tip.  Each time Leo reached the head of Raph’s dick, he thumbed the slit before starting back down.

            His entire consciousness focused on the pleasure he was receiving, Raph barely noticed when Leo’s cock touched his entrance.  Leo’s hand moved a little faster and Raph moaned, his whole being now locked on the pressure building in his groin.

            Using his hand to guide his erection, Leo pressed the tip of his cock slowly past the guardian muscle of Raph’s anus.  Once in place, he put his hand on Raph’s hip and shifted his stance between Raph’s legs.

            Leo eased his cock into Raph’s ass carefully; a sweet, gentle slide into the tight encasing heat.  No matter how slow he went though, his cock was bigger than his finger, and Raph’s head jerked back.

            With a loud grunt, Raph said, “St  . . . stop for a second.”

            Leo’s body froze, but his hand on Raph’s cock continued to move.  Letting Raph become adjusted to the penetrating invader, Leo concentrated on pleasuring his brother’s solid erection.

            “Oh fuck, Leo,” Raph churred as he pushed out words.  “Go on.  I’m ready.”

            Barely able to hold back the desire to begin thrusting, Leo inhaled deeply and slid more of himself inside Raph’s ass.  It was easier to move now that he was further in and Raph didn’t seem to be feeling pain any longer.

            Fully sheathed in the delicious tightness, Leo turned his attention completely on Raph’s needs.

            “Raph~ael,” Leo moaned as he rested his plastron against Raph’s carapace, tightening his grip on his brother’s cock.

            Raph let the haunting melody of that sound wash over him.  He had only dreamed of hearing Leo say his name like that; a long, breathy siren’s song that controlled the ebb and flow of his emotions.

            He could feel Leo inside of him, filling him completely while his brother tugged Raph towards completion.  Raph didn’t want to finish first; some small part of him needed them to do this together.

            “Come on Leo,” Raph urged, his voice coarse with his desire, “fuck me; don’t hold back.”

            Leo’s churr reverberated through Raph’s shell, and then he felt Leo’s weight lift from his carapace.  Before he had a chance to process what that meant, Leo had pulled his cock back and then thrust forward again with a hard lunge.

            Raph gasped at the brutality of it and then Leo did it again, suddenly hitting something inside Raph that took his breath away.

            “Ahh!” Raph yelped, startled by the intensity of the sparks shooting through his body.

            Leo didn’t stop, recognizing the cry was not of pain, but of pleasure.  Determined to make Raph call out again, Leo repeated the movement.

            “Leo!” Raph yelled, teetering dangerously close to his orgasm.

            When Raph cried out his name, Leo felt the muscles in his brother’s ass clamp down on his erection.  With a grunt, he began to move faster, driving harder into Raph’s tightness.  His grip on Raph’s cock was slick with his brother’s pre-come; he could feel it throb in his hand, a sure sign of Raph’s impending release.

            The friction on Leo’s cock was too intense, the muscles massaging his length with every movement too exquisite.  His full-body thrusts became staccato jabs, the pressure settling into a solid weight in his groin.

            “Come with me Raph,” Leo moaned desperately, trying to stave off his climax as he pumped Raph faster.

            Through gritted teeth, Raph managed to say, “Now Leo!  Oh shit, shit!  Now!”

            The world turned over before his eyes as Raph climaxed, sperm shooting out to drench Leo’s hand and the wall in front of him.  A second later, Leo lunged forward and buried his cock as deeply as possible inside Raph’s ass, and Raph felt the warmth of his brother’s come flood into him.

TBC……………..


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Word Count: 1,624  
> Rated: R TCest, language, adult concepts and situations, angst  
> Summary: Raph was ready for a happy ending, but it just didn't work out that way.

Excerpt from Raph’s journal:

_“That was three weeks ago.  Since then, the most words Leo’s said to me outside of the dojo was ‘please pass the butter’._

_“Of the two of us, you’d think it’d be me that was the most freaked out about what we did.  I was the one bent over with my tail up in the air; I was the one trying not to walk funny for a couple of days after.  Fuck, it even stung to take a dump, and there was a little blood each time too._

_“It wasn’t much, so I figured everything was okay inside except for maybe a little torn up.  Shell, who was I gonna ask if this was a normal thing anyway?  Leo was the one that supposedly looked this shit up, but he wasn’t speaking to me.  I didn’t want this on my search log, no matter how much I trusted Don._

_“That night, when we were done, Leo turned me around and kissed me so thoroughly I saw stars.  Afterwards, he just held me and I held him.  We could have stayed that way for an eternity and I would have been happy._

_“He told me he loved me.  His mouth was against my shoulder and it was kinda muffled, but I heard it loud and clear.  I said something stupid like ‘back at ya’ bro’.  Do I really need to keep reminding myself I’m an idiot in these posts?_

_“Leo pulled his face off of me and looked at me so seriously that I started feeling this weight dropping from my chest into my stomach and figured out that it was my heart._

_“I’ll never, ever forget his words.  ‘You don’t understand, Raphael.  I’ve loved you for so long my first memory is of loving you.  Everything I am revolves around you; everything I’ve spent my life fighting for is to keep you safe’._

_“I told him he did that for all of us, but he told me it was mostly for me.  I finally got the guts then to tell him how much I loved him too and that I had for as long as I could remember._

_“His face kinda pulled down at the edges when I said that.  Go figure, somebody says they love you and you answer in kind, and they look like you just pulled their life support._

_“I really, really couldn’t take it anymore.  I’m an open, up front kind of guy.  If I like something, I say so.  If I don’t, you’re fucking gonna hear about it, either from my mouth or from my fists._

_“Leo keeps shit to himself.  He clams up under the weight of the world ‘cause he seems to have some kinda need to bear it all himself.  I knew we worked because of that; we keep each other balanced.  But my helping him stay balanced on this meant he had to finally open up to me about what the fuck was going on._

_“When I grabbed his shoulders and gave him a good, hard shake and asked that question he pulled away from me.  I don’t mean just physically either; he fucking locked down tighter than a drum emotionally as well.  From the look on his face I wouldn’t have known we just had sex if it wasn’t for the fact that his jizz was still seeping out of my ass._

_“That shit was scaring me as bad as the time when I thought he was gonna die.  I found myself begging him to just tell me something, ‘cause I honestly couldn’t stand not knowing._

_“Leo said we couldn’t be together and that we had to pretend nothing happened between us.  He said he shouldn’t have slipped up and given in to his desires; that it was wrong of him and if I wanted to hate him he understood._

_“That didn’t make any fucking sense and I told him so.  I was completely lost and the way he was acting didn’t help.  So I told him to explain it to me.  I told Leo to tell me why we couldn’t have this kind of relationship for the rest of our lives._

_“He said ‘because we can’t’.  That’s it; that was the big, fucking explanation.  Leo started back to the lair and I limped along behind him too shocked to know what else to say.  Basically, I just got fucked and then dumped._

_“Just before we went in, he turned around and told me I had to promise to say nothing to anyone about what we just did.  He told me I had to promise to act like nothing at all had happened between us._

_“Leo looked so fucking cold when he said that to me that I got mad.  I mean, really mad, like I ain’t been in a long time.  I said some shit, I don’t even remember all of it, but I know I ended up telling him he was the world’s biggest bastard and I hoped he enjoyed the idea of dying alone when he got old, ‘cause I was washing my hands of him._

_“I don’t know if I got to him or not.  You couldn’t tell anything from his face; the mask was down and it stayed down.  I was so furious when we got back into the lair that I stomped off to my room and left him standing there.  Master Splinter came out of the kitchen; I could see him staring at me, but if he wanted to talk to me he didn’t say anything._

_“When my bedroom door closed behind me all I wanted to do was beat the crap out of something!  All kinds of hurt was tearing at my chest; I been cut by katanas, gouged by knives; shell I’ve even got a bullet hole or two in places.  None of that hurt as bad as this did._

_“As bad as this does.  I barely been out of my room except to leave the lair.  When I’m home, I try to stay out of the common areas.  He doesn’t need to worry about me telling anybody anything; I wouldn’t talk about this to save my life._

_“Don’s dragged me into his lab a couple of times, trying to get me to tell him what happened between me and Leo, but I ain’t saying shit.  Leo can rot in hell for all I care._

_“I gotta train with him and put on a show for Master Splinter, but that’s it.  If we go on patrol, it’s me and Don; Leo and Mikey.  I’m pretty sure he’s trying to avoid spending too much time alone with Donny now too._

_“Don’s scary sometimes with how he can make you tell him stuff whether you want to or not.  Maybe if I wasn’t so mad and hurt, I’d talk to him, but then again, I did end up promising to keep my trap shut.  It was a heat of the moment ‘why would I want anyone to know I was stupid enough to let you fuck me?’ kind of promise, but I made it._

_“So here I am, three weeks later.  I really thought the anger and hurt I suffered would burn away the feelings I have for Leo, but they haven’t.  I’m mad, I’m in pain, and I love Leonardo so much that every waking hour without him is the worst kind of torture._

_“What the fuck am I supposed to do?  I feel like he’s ashamed that he had feelings for me.  I know I ain’t good enough for him; I’ve always known that.  Shell, who am I kidding; I ain’t good enough for anybody, but least of all Leo.  I guess in my fairy tale land of secret dreams I kinda hoped he’d manage to find something in me to be proud of._

_“All I can think of is to ask Master Splinter if he could send me someplace for a while to get my head on straight.  He sent Leo to the Ancient One when he was messed up and it worked for him.  Maybe sensei knows somebody that can fix me too._

_“It’s either that, or one of these days I’m just not gonna bother to move fast enough in a fight._

_“Shit.  I can’t believe I just fucking typed that.  Enough with this damn journal, I think it’s making me feel worse.  I’m just gonna go talk to my Father  . . . “_

            Raph came out of his room and glanced around the lair.  It was late and it seemed like everyone else had gone to bed.

            He rubbed at his eyes and sighed.  He hadn’t been sleeping well and his eyes burned.  That pain somewhat offset the nauseous feeling Raph had from not eating dinner.  Or lunch.  Or breakfast for that matter.  The thought of food wasn’t very appealing.

            Raph knew Master Splinter would still be awake so he started down the stairs, intent on putting his new plan into action right away.  He was determined to find a way not to be miserable any longer, and the first step was to leave home.  Raph hoped his Father would agree so that Raph wouldn’t need to run away.

            Pausing outside Master Splinter’s room in order to take a deep breath, Raph lifted his hand to knock.

            Someone grabbed his wrist and jerked his arm back, half spinning him away from the door.  Raph found himself face to face with Leo.

            “What are you doing?” Leo hissed at him.

            Raph’s anger flared.  “I’m going in to talk to my Father, asshole,” he snarled viciously.

            “No you’re not,” Leo said in a low, menacing voice and started dragging Raph towards the dojo.

TBC……………


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Word Count: 4,120  
> Rated: R TCest, language, adult concepts and situations, angst  
> Summary: It's time for a confrontation, even if Raphael has to use threats to make Leonardo talk.

Excerpt from Raph’s journal:

_“Who was it that said ‘the best laid plans of mice and men’…”_

            Raph’s skin felt like it was being scorched right through the wrist guard where Leo was touching him.  Jerking his arm back, he twisted out of his brother’s grasp.

            “Don’t ya’ fuckin’ touch me!” Raph snarled.

            “What were you going to do?” Leo asked in a low, hoarse whisper.

            For some instinctive reason, Raph kept his voice down.  As angry as he was, he didn’t want to have a fight within earshot of Master Splinter and have to then lie to him about what had caused the disagreement.

            “That ain’t any of your business, Leo,” Raph rasped.  “Nothin’ about me is any of your damn business anymore.”

            “You were going to talk to Master Splinter about us,” Leo told him, his eyes wide.

            Raph stared at him.  If he didn’t know any better, he’d say that Fearless was actually afraid.

            “No, I wasn’t,” Raph said.  “I got some issues and I need ta talk ta him, but I wasn’t plannin’ on saying anything about what the two of us did.”

            “What then?” Leo asked, insistent.

            Raph flared up again.  “Back off Leo.  Just back the fuck off.  Ya’ ain’t Cerberus guarding the gates of hell, and if I don’t wanna stay in it, ya’ can’t stop me from leaving.”

            Leo’s mouth had opened to interrupt but Raph’s words halted his.  His mouth stayed open for a moment, his face getting the same dazed look Raph had seen on fighter’s that have been hit too hard.

            “You want to . . . leave?” Leo said, his voice still low but with a punch drunk quality to it.

            Taking a couple of deep breaths, Raph said, “We ain’t having this discussion.  Just get away from me, ya’ should be able ta handle that.  Ya’ been doin’ that real good for the last three weeks, a few more hours and ya’ won’t have ta deal with me at all.”

            Leo’s eyes shut and Raph saw a quiver run across his brother’s shoulders.

            “I think  . . . I handled this wrong,” Leo said very softly.

            Raph’s brow furrowed.  “More of your game?  I’m done playin’; ya’ wanna have some kind of split personality problem, peddle it elsewhere.”

            Turning away from Leo, Raph headed back towards Master Splinter’s door.  Leo moved fast, darting in front of Raph and placing his body between Raph and the shoji.

            “Don’t make me move ya’,” Raph growled at him.

            “Five minutes; just give me five minutes to talk to you,” Leo said without moving.

            “No,” Raph told him, starting to push, but Leo dug his feet in and pressed his plastron against his brother’s.

            “ _Please_ ,” Leo begged, in a quiet yet urgent tone.

            Maybe it was the look on Leo’s face, or the fact that they would end up having a physical altercation in front of Master Splinter’s door otherwise, but Raph abruptly backed up.  Spinning on his heel, he strode into the dojo.

            Leo came in quickly behind him, stopping when Raph halted in the middle of the room. 

            “Ya’ got three minutes,” Raph announced, hands on the hilts of his sais.  “And don’t think standing there in front of the exit is gonna keep me from leaving when I’m ready ta go.”

            “I don’t want you to leave,” Leo told him forcefully.

            “Time’s up,” Raph announced and started for the door.

            “Wait, wait,” Leo said in a rush, moving in front of Raph again.  “Please.”

            Raph pulled up short, not wanting another collision with Leo.  Touching his brother in any kind of way set off fireworks in his gut and he didn’t need that feeling on top of everything else.

            “Here’s what ain’t gonna happen in this conversation,” Raph said.  “Ya’ ain’t gonna say things ta me that sound like commands.  Ya’ ain’t gonna do the whole ‘I’m superior because I’m better’ crap and ya’ ain’t gonna talk in circles without saying anything at all.  First time that happens, I go through ya’ ta get ta Master Splinter.  Clear?”

            “Yes,” Leo answered simply.  “I owe you that and so much more Raph.”

            Raph blinked in surprise, but kept his guard up, having seen Leo’s personality shift too quickly in the last month to allow himself to be fooled by a few caring words.

            “You’re damn straight that ya’ owe me an explanation,” Raph agreed and then stopped talking.  He had no desire to let his brother know just how deeply hurt he was.

            Leo’s eyes came up to Raph’s and held, letting Raph have a glimpse behind his mask.  Raph was surprised to see an echo of his own pain in his brother’s orbs.

            “The last few months,” Leo started and then stopped, seemingly in an attempt to compose himself.  Beginning again, he said, “In the last few months the attraction I’ve had for you for my entire life got stronger.  Too strong for me to ignore or control with my meditation.  It was difficult for me to even be alone with you.  I’ve fought a lot of things in my life, but fighting this was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”

            “Ya’ didn’t need ta fight it; I felt the same way,” Raph said.

            “I know that _now_ ,” Leo told him, “I didn’t then.  How could I?  This feeling I have for you isn’t something that’s acceptable for siblings Raphael.  I’m supposed to be your leader; I couldn’t just suddenly push myself on you, how would that have appeared?  You might think I was abusing my power and then hated me for my perversion.  The only thing I could think to do was to avoid situations where we were alone together.  So I started to hang out with Don a lot more.”

            “Oh,” Raph said, beginning to understand.  “But that don’t explain why ya’ kept butting in when I was with Don.  Shell, if ya’ didn’t want ta be alone with me, having me doing stuff with Donny was the perfect solution.”

            Leo nodded and murmured, “I know.” 

            Leo’s face flushed a deeper color and despite his anger, Raph couldn’t help but think how attractive that was.

            “So?” Raph prompted him.

            “I was jealous,” Leo answered and shrugged.  “I began to think that you liked Don in the same way that I liked you.  I could feel the sexual tension rolling off of you and I thought it was because you were falling for Don.”

            “I was spending time with Donny ‘cause he seemed ta be the only one ya’ wanted ta be around,” Raph admitted, “not ‘cause I wanted ta be with him.  Shell, Leo, you’re the only one that has ever made me feel like this.”

            “Confused, idiotic and messed up inside?” Leo asked.

            “Exactly,” Raph said.  “But none of that explains why ya’ pulled me in and then pushed me away, Leo.  Once ya’ knew how much in love with ya’ I was, ya’ knew ya’ had me.  Why did ya’ just clam up and walk away from me?”

            Leo’s mouth was set in a grim line.  “Master Splinter.”

            He stopped talking and Raph waited, thinking that once the flood gates were opened, Leo would release the rest of the explanation.  When he didn’t say anything for several minutes, Raph took a few steps closer to him, studying his brother’s face.

            From that vantage point, Raph could see the lines along Leo’s jaw and those around his eyes as he struggled with an internal demon.  It was obvious that there was something deeper than just fear of having their sensei find out they’d had a sexual encounter.

            “Keep going, Leo.  I wanna hear the whole thing or I walk,” Raph threatened again.

            “That first time when I kissed you, I backed away because Don interrupted us.  I don’t know what I would have done if he hadn’t; probably pulled you into my room and taken you like I did in the sewer tunnel.”  He sighed deeply.  “I’m being honest with you, I lost control and there was no way I would have gotten it back if not for Don.  That’s when I knew I couldn’t even be close to you.”

            “I returned that kiss, Leo,” Raph said, “ya’ had ta know I was feeling something too.”

            Leo shook his head.  “Raph, I thought you were frustrated with me for being with Don in his lab.  From the things you said about him, I thought you were kissing me to stop me from thinking about him.”

            “Holy shit,” Raph said with a short laugh.  “So both of us were working at cross purposes.”

            “Apparently we were,” Leo agreed.  “It just made it worse that every time I wasn’t with Don, you were.  It got to the point where I was roaming the lair after everyone was in bed so I could make sure that you hadn’t snuck into his room.”

            “Fuck,” Raph exhaled, slightly exasperated.

            Leo’s head snapped up.  “I told you I couldn’t think straight.  Unfortunately, even though you didn’t notice what I was doing, Master Splinter did.  But Master Splinter misunderstood what was happening as well.  He began to think that I was falling in love with Donatello.”

            “All those talks,” Raph said.

            Leo was nodding.  “He kept leading me into discussions about you guys, all of you.  The first time, I thought he was testing my skill in being able to identify each of your strengths and weaknesses.  The second time I believed he was trying to get me to talk through my goals for each of you.  It wasn’t until the third conversation on the same subject that I began to see he was trying to find out if my feelings for Don had changed.

            “I looked back over the previous discussions and thought I had put too much stress on how you were doing.  I was sure you dominated everything I said.  All I could think to do was to steer him off course, and Don was at the forefront of my mind, so I pushed him in front of Master Splinter.”

            When he paused, Raph watched his face.  Now that he was no longer trying to hide his feelings behind a blank ninja mask, every bit of pain and confusion showed.  How could his brother have gotten so good at covering such intense emotions?

            “Somethin’ happened other than his just questioning ya’, didn’t it?” Raph asked.

            “I didn’t think too much of it when Master Splinter called me in for another talk,” Leo said.  “It was right after I kissed you.  I was almost suffocating Don with my attention and Master Splinter misinterpreted what I was doing.”

            He stopped to clear his throat and his face wrinkled for a moment before he controlled it.

            “Master Splinter said he understood that as teenagers we were subject to raging hormones and that we didn’t have a suitable outlet for our desires.  As soon as he said that, I began to get really scared for the first time in my life.”

            He stopped talking again and rubbed the back of his hand across his eyes.  That was when Raph began to get an inkling of just what his brother had been going through.  Raph was glad Leo had stopped him from going in to see their Father.

            Leo started to talk again.  “Master Splinter told me that there were many sacrifices I would be required to make as the leader of our clan, and that he hoped I had understood that clearly when I had accepted that role.  I told him that I did; that I knew my position made things different for me than they were for the rest of you.

            “That’s when he told me that favoring one brother over the others was not acceptable.  He said he expected that I would know that, considering how many years I’ve spent studying the art of fighting and the art of war.  A leader cannot play favorites; that the calculation required during a battle could not be muddied by emotions such as fear or lust.”

            “He said ‘lust’?” Raph asked quietly.

            “Yes,” Leo answered.  “He told me he knew I loved all of my brothers and that was enough of a handicap for any leader, but to be misguided by stronger feelings for one could lead to tragedy.  That’s when he told me he thought I was developing inappropriate feelings for Don.  Master Splinter said that I had to remember that Don was a brother to me and needed to remain nothing more than that.

            “I already understood what he was saying, Raph.  It’s the thing inside of me that I’ve been fighting all these years.  It’s why I couldn’t be alone with you.  But Master Splinter thought; Master Splinter _thinks_ ; that my feelings are for Donatello.”

            “Has he talked ta Donny too?” Raph wanted to know.

            Leo shook his head.  “No.  Raph, Master Splinter thinks that you have those same feelings for Don, and he thinks Don might be torn between the two of us.  He said he didn’t want us to suffer needlessly by being deprived of the normal things that most sentient beings require, amongst them a physical outlet for our desires.”

            Raph took another step towards Leo, his heart racing.  “Does that mean he doesn’t have a problem with us havin’ sex?”

            Leo stared at him, a sad look on his face now.  “I think maybe he’s foreseen it happening Raph.  I think he’s been ready for a couple of years now to deal with the inevitable, so he’s had time to look at it from a lot of angles.”

            “Then what the fuck are ya’ wound up so tight for?  If Master Splinter says it’s okay, we shouldn’t be fighting, we should be in my damn bed,” Raph said.

            Holding a hand up to stop Raph’s excited move forward, Leo said, “Raph, he didn’t say it was okay for _me_ to have sex.”

            The little ball of hope that Raph had pushed up to the top of the hill came rolling back down.  “Gods, Leo.  Just get ta the fuckin’ punch line already.”

            “He made me promise not to have a physical relationship with Donatello.  He made me promise not to become involved with Don in any way beyond that of a brother.  I had to give him my word,” Leo told him.

            Raph looked down at the ground, needing time away from Leo’s eyes to process what his brother had said.  His heart had been dropping steadily for three weeks, and he half expected to see it leak out of his toes.  At least if he was looking down, he could watch for where it landed and scoop it up later.

            “Ya’ had ta promise about Don,” Raph repeated without glancing up.

            “About Don,” Leo acknowledged, realizing that Raph needed that clarity.  “I’ve been walking a fine line ever since, because I don’t want him to find out that Don is not the one I have feelings for.  If he discovers that I’m in love with you, he’ll force me to make that same promise Raphael.  When he caught us arguing in my room, all he heard was us yelling about Don.  He thinks we were fighting over Don, and he told me I had to leave Don to you.”

            Raph was starting to get mad again, but not at Leo this time.  “He can’t force ya’ ta do that; he shouldn’t have forced that kind of promise out of ya’ at all.”

            “He’s still our sensei and our Father, and I am honor bound to remain loyal to him.  So are you, Raphael.  He is our Master,” Leo said.

            “Then what’s the point of making ya’ the leader?  What’s the point of all those years of training Leo?  He’s supposed ta be handin’ the reins over ta ya’, and ya’ gotta make this job yours.  Ya’ ain’t him and ya’ can’t lead us the same way.  Ya’ been feeling like this about me for as long as ya’ can remember, right?  Isn’t that what ya’ said ta me?” Raph insisted.

            “Of course,” Leo said, confused.  “I don’t see where this is going.”

            “Dammit, Leo.  Tell me which fight we been in that ya’ favored me over Mikey or Don,” Raph asked.

            “I never have,” Leo said adamantly.

            Raph was thinking hard, trying to find some resolution to their problem.  Leo had opened up to him completely and he could have walked on air if it weren’t for the fact that they still had the almost insurmountable hurdle of Master Splinter’s disapproval in their path.

            “Name a time when I was more protective of ya’ than either of them,” Raph said, following out his train of thought.

            “There has never been a time when  . . . when . . . ,” Leo paused, turning his head to stare at the dojo wall.

            Raph finished for him, “I’ve never felt the need ta jump in and save your butt any more often than I have ta save Mikey’s or Don’s.  Master Splinter knows that just as well as ya’ do.  I never knew until a month ago that ya’ felt the same about me as I feel about ya’ and that means I ain’t ever noticed ya’ treatin’ me with any favoritism during a battle either.”

            “Nor I you,” Leo admitted.  “Most of the time you’re fighting me nearly as hard as our enemy.”

            Raph chuckled softly.  “Maybe I won’t do that so much if I ain’t so frustrated with wanting ya’.  Point I’m tryin’ ta make here,” he said, sobering quickly, “is that the thing Master Splinter is most worried about ain’t gonna happen.  We already proved that it won’t.”

            “We’ve never been lovers before either,” Leo pointed out.

            “You’re right, and I’ll give ya’ that argument,” Raph said.  “Do ya’ just wanna give up then?  Ya’ ain’t never given up on anything ya’ really wanted, Leo.  Tell me what it is you’re afraid Master Splinter’s gonna do ta ya’ if ya’ tell him we love each other and ya’ refuse ta promise _not_ ta love me.”

            “He could send me away again,” Leo said in a voice so low it was almost a whisper.  “He could strip me of my leadership.”

            “Who is he gonna give it ta then?  Donny doesn’t want it and sure as shell ain’t suited for it anyway.  Mikey, fuck – Mikey might be a pretty good leader someday, just don’t ever fucking tell him I said that.  He just ain’t mature enough right now.  If Master Splinter tried ta give it ta me I wouldn’t take it.  If I’m gonna be leader, I want it ta be because I earned the title, not because he was punishing ya’.

            “Ya’ know something else Fearless?  Let him send ya’ away, because I’ll fuckin’ go with ya’.  I was plannin’ on goin’ someplace anyway if I couldn’t love ya’ the way I need ta, so I sure the fuck ain’t sticking around this place if he sends ya’ away from here.  Maybe Mikey and Don will want ta go with us.  Ya’ can be clan leader without Master Splinter making up a different set of rules for ya’ ta follow,” Raph said.

            “We couldn’t leave Master Splinter alone,” Leo told him.  “He is our Father.”

            “That’s right, Leo.  He’s our dad and we gotta honor him as such.  But he made ya’ clan leader, and by all rights, that makes your word law, not his.  He can’t strip ya’ of that, it’s a done deal.  Ya’ wanna impress him?  Stand up for yourself over this.  Tell him you’ll give him your word that during a fight our roles won’t change and then honor that promise.  Make me swear ta that same thing in front of him, so he’ll know we’re both on the same page about this.  At some point he’s gotta see ya’ take the reins on something and split off from his way so he’ll know ya’ ain’t Splinter Junior or some clone of his,” Raph said.

            A light had started to shine behind Leo’s eyes; a light Raph hadn’t seen in a long time.

            “Do you think he might be testing me?” Leo asked.

            Raph shrugged.  “I don’t know, but it’s possible ain’t it?  He’s already seen ya’ lead us in plenty of fights, he knows damn well how good ya’ are at that.  Maybe ya’ just need to plan your approach the same way ya’ plan our battles.”

            Leo took a few steps towards his brother, the lines dropping from his face.  “I don’t want to ignore or hide how I feel about you anymore.”

            Raph’s eyes squeezed shut as he let his guard down, taking a shaky breath.  “I’ve been hurtin’ Leo,” he admitted when he felt he could open his eyes to look at his brother.  “I’ve been feelin’ worthless and humiliated.  Ya’ gotta promise somethin’ ta me now.  Ya’ gotta promise ya’ won’t ever do that ta me again.”

            Leo walked the last few steps left between them and wrapped his arms around Raph, holding him close.

            “I promise you Raphael,” Leo said in a low, strong voice.  “I give you my word of honor that I love you dearly and will never let anything or anyone interfere with that again.  No matter who it is.”

            “Okay,” Raph said; a corner of his lip lifting.

            Their eyes stayed locked as Leo tilted his head and pressed a gentle kiss to Raph’s lips.  They enjoyed that for a moment before opening their mouths and exploring each other in a way they’d never gotten to do before.  For as long as that kiss lasted, Raph felt that he had merged with Leo completely; becoming one entire being rather than a lost and divided soul.

            When the kiss finally broke it was a mutual separation, as though they could read and understand each other beyond the need for words.

            “I’m guessing that’s the best I can hope for until ya’ talk ta Master Splinter?” Raph asked.

            Leo smiled for the first time.  “That would probably be the correct route to proceed along,” he acknowledged.  “I don’t want another sewer quickie without lubricant incident to occur ever again.”

            “How did ya’ even know what ta do, Leo?  I know ya’ told me ya’ read about it, but why were ya’ reading about how ta have sex with a guy?” Raph wanted to know.

            Leo’s grin was sheepish.  “I told you I’ve been having stronger feelings about you in the last few months.  I was even dreaming about you and in my dreams we were  . . . intimate.  Well, we were trying to be intimate, but we weren’t very successful because I didn’t know what to do.  So I finally looked it up.  I wasn’t really hoping I’d ever get a chance to go all the way with you, but I sort of hoped it would help my dreams finish to a better conclusion.”

            Raph grinned.  “Ya’ were havin’ wet dreams about me?”

            Leo laughed at his lecherous look.  “Shut up,” he told his brother.  “Yes, I was having unsatisfactory wet dreams about you.  I would always wake up and have to finish things off by myself.”

            “Oh,” Raph said in a teasing voice.  “Geez Leo, I never imagined your hand grippin’ anything other than your katana.  Is that how ya’ developed such a nice firm hold?”

            “I don’t remember you complaining about my hold while we were in the tunnel, Raphael,” Leo said, nipping at Raph’s chin.

            “Mm, shit Leo,” Raph moaned when Leo’s tongue slid down his throat.  “Go talk ta Master Splinter now, okay?  You’re makin’ me hard, and I want ta know right now if we’re gonna be doin’ this in a sewer tunnel again.”

            Leo let go of him, and stepped back, his smile firmly in place.

            “Go wait in my bed,” Leo said, “I’ll be up in a few minutes.”

            Raph looked hard at him and saw the unwavering resolve on his face beneath the happy smile.  He knew then that Leo was his and they weren’t going to have to leave or hide anymore.

            “Why your bed Fearless leader?” he asked in the same teasing tone.  “How about my hammock?”

            “There is no way I am going to try to maneuver in your hammock, Raph,” Leo said.  “I’m the leader and we’ll be sleeping in my bed tonight.  Besides, that’s where the lube is.”

            Raphael’s delighted laughter followed Leo out of the dojo and then Raph made a quick dash into his bedroom before going to his brother’s.

Excerpt from Raph’s journal:

_“And we lived happily ever after.  The End.”_

_“P.S. I hope he doesn’t think he’s topping this time!”_


End file.
